A Grand Night Out
by Mystitat
Summary: CATS A oneshot companion piece to It Does Funny Things to You. Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer have a great time doing what they do best, and also get a favor done for Alonzo.


A Grand Night Out

by Mystitat

* * *

Nothing could have been more perfect. The lights were off, the house was dark, and there wasn't a Pollicle dog in sight. The basement window was open, and no one was home. 

It was a perfect night to go burgling!

"C'mon! We haven't got all night!" Rumpleteazer giggled in thick cockney accent to her mate, Mungojerrie as they crossed the lavish backyard.

"Sshh!!" He whispered back, his accent equally rich. "You'll wake someone! And remember, we've got to get a bracelet this time. I told Alonzo we'd git it fo' 'im!"

"Why? What's 'e gonna do fo' us?" asked Rumpleteazer, always eager to help out, because it usually meant she got something in return.

"I dunno, but he said som'un about tuna."

That was enough for Rumpleteazer. She licked her lips as they crept over to the basement window. Making sure to check for humans or Pollicles that might spoil their plans, Mungojerrie slid his muscular frame through the opening. He was covered in black, white, but mostly orange stripes from tip to toe. Rumpleteazer was remarkably identical, but shorter and with more white and orange than black areas. Their likeness enabled them to confuse anyone who might rain on their theiving parade, giving them the opportunity to escape. On this particular occasion it was Rumpleteazer's turn to look for valuables. Mungojerrie would keep watch and make a big mess. She slung her little potato bag over her shoulder and followed her mate into the basement of the three story mansion in Victoria Grove.

As she headed for the stairs that led to the interior of the place, she turned around and queried, "Is there anythin' else in particular thatcha want?"

"No, darlin, but mind the stairs this time! I think the boys in the junkyard heard ya' fall last week, Teaze!"

Rumpleteazer pouted and started climbing for the house proper. As she closed the basement door behind her, she surveyed the room. It was a den of sorts. A large black box with a window in it reined over the area, and it was showing some pictures of humans in black and white. She shrugged and hopped over to the bookshelf to grab some particularly enticing vases, not noticing that she stepped on a thing covered in buttons. Instantly, the black box started emitting shrieks and roars as a giant lizard was stomping on giant buildings! Rumpleteazer let out a shriek of her own and fled the room.

Mungojerrie waited a little while to give his girl a head start before going up a different flight of stairs. When he reached to top, he found himself in the kitchen. It was clean and neatly polished. That would soon change. He smirked and started to overturn tupperware and pots and pans. Opening the fridge he took out catsup and mustard, disposed to make an original masterpiece on the kitchen table. It was soon no longer limited to the table as red and yellow streaks soon smothered the entire room. He was about to go for the spoons when he noticed that the oven was on. Opening it, he spied a slow-roasting leg of lamb, almost cooked to perfection. His eyes widened and his mouth watered as he muttered, "Don't mind if I do."

After Rumpleteazer had fled the den, she crept down a hall and up a flight of stairs to find where they kept the _really_ valuable stuff. Opening a door, she found she was in a nursery. She was about to go out the way she came in (what would they keep in a nursery?) , but from behind her there came a "goo" of sorts. She turned and slipped over to the cradle. Lying in it was an infant, staring up at Rumpleteazer and mumbling. Rumpleteazer was shocked! Who would leave a baby alone in a house on his own?! She tried to caress the tiny thing, to make it feel like it was loved, but stopped when her paw touched his forehead. Confused, she waved it in front of the kid's eyes. Instead of following her hand, it just kept staring and mumbling. Rumpleteazer was relieved beyond belief. It was a doll! (No wonder its head felt like plastic...)

Fully satiated, Mungojerrie wandered about the halls, looking for someplace to make trouble in. Rounding a corner, he spied an elaborate sitting room, and saw his opportunity. He lept onto tables and chairs, knocking down furniture and upsetting various potted plants and fruits baskets. He was having a ball and took particular pride in the mess he was making. Lace curtains were torn down and a plush victorian sofa was clawed to pieces. Mungojerrie climbed upon the mantel and proceded to knock down every item on it without exception. When he got to the other end, he leapt off, forgetting to look before hand. Without warning, a piano appeared below him, and he was about to tickle the ivories in a most uncomfortable fashion!

Jackpot! Rumpleteazer found the master bedroom. Without hesitation she vaulted up to the dresser and proceded to loot the jewerly box. She looked over jewels and gems with an expert's eye, stowing away what she wanted in her little bag and discarding the rest over her shoulder. She had quite a collection when she came to a particular piece. It was a bracelet of rubies, set in 24 kt. gold, alternating with sizable diamonds. This had to be the one 'Jerrie wanted (if it wasn't, she would be all too happy to keep it for herself). She was about to finish up the box when she was startled by a thundrous musical bang and a screech from her tom. Rumpleteazer grimaced and peered out the french doors that led out to a balcony. Sure enough, the neighbors had flicked on their lights and were investigating the source of the comotion. It was time to skeedattle! With one last look under the mattress to make sure there were no wads of notes hidden under it, she rushed out of the room and headed for the ground floor.

Searching for the cause of the sound and her mate, Rumpleteazer came upon the sitting room and Mungojerrie gingerly rubbing his behind. "There's no time!" she yelled. "The neighbors are comin' ova'!" She grabbed his wrist and started dragging him toward the exit. Mungojerrie looked confused until he glanced out a window and saw a human trying to look inside! Then he grabbed her wrist and started dragging her toward the door even faster. "And you were worried 'bout me makin' a commotion," she muttered under her breath. They ripped through a screen door and bolted at full speed for the cover of darkness.

After about half an hour of running for the junkyard, Mungojerrie paused. He looked over his shoulder to make sure they weren't being tailed, saw that they weren't, and sunk against an alley wall, giggling to himself. Rumpleteazer looked confused, until she saw the humor in the situation and started giggling too. They sat there for a minute, just giggling to themselves. When they had gotten all of it out of their systems, Mungojerrie said, "Okay, 'Teaze, whadja get?"

Still battling the urge to giggle, Rumpleteazer got out, "Well, you didn't give me much time, now didja?" Mungojerrie rolled his eyes. Rumpleteazer peered into her potato bag. "Most of it's jel'ry. Yo' lucky I got to the bedrooms." She held up the ruby encrusted bracelet. "This whatcha wonted?"

"It's fine w'me. 'Lonzo just said get a brac'let, one wit' lotsa jewels," Mungojerrie told her, still stifling giggles. Rumpleteazer pouted crookedly. "Didja get anythin' else?" he asked.

"Just a silver spoon, som'un's wallet, and this thing," she responded, holding up the thing covered in buttons she had stepped on in the den. "Know what it could be?" Mungojerrie scratched his head. "Me neitha'," she said, tossing it back into the bag. "That's it."

"Jeez, we hardly got anythin'!" Mungojerrie complained. "We hav'ta come back. Tomorrow."

"That's fine w'me. Now what was it ya' said 'bout tuna?" Rumpleteazer said as they walked off.

* * *

Back in Victoria Grove, the big human who lived in the mansion was hunting around his den. He thought as he scratched his head, "Now where could the clicker have gone?"

* * *


End file.
